How to Walk Away from Your Past

A story about how to be a human being on planet earth, walk away from your past when you are in the middle of nowhere, there is a storm coming, it’s winter and you see a herd of zombies on the horizon.


Life as a Human Being on Planet Earth

My first job in a corporation lasted for about 7 years. They taught me everything I didn’t need to know about people: basically that they are heartless assholes who would stab anyone in the back for a little extra money or sweet yummy power. I was a nobody, a fresh wide-eyed observer of their mighty game. It was awesome!  Their favorite word was “breakthrough”. We had so many breakthroughs, about 2 a day at least, in our money making sweat and tears oiled machine. About 2 months in, I started to hate the word and soon forgot about it, as one of the many words that people use because they sound good, but don’t mean much.

Well, apparently it does mean much… it means a lot when it is for real. Because 2017 was a breakthrough.

What happened this year? I was born. I’ve been trying to be born for quite some time now, with very low success rate. I’ve been on the road for about 7 years, with some improvement, but only in superficial ways and with minor achievements. Basically, these years I managed to solve a huge list of small issues that I had with myself, leaving the big fat ones untouched. Well, I did touch them, but it was from far – far away, and with a stick.

However, at the end of 2016 the universe has had enough of my playing around, threw me into icy cold water with snakes and bears and demons from hell floating about, and joyously watched me learn how to swim. I mean really learn, no lifebuoy or anything! And I’m just not the quickest learner, you know?

It was only then that I realized I wasn’t on any road, definitely not on the road I wanted to be, but rather in the middle of nowhere and there is a storm coming, it’s winter and I see a herd of zombies on the horizon.

It was only then that I seriously started walking the path. And I kept walking.

At first I thought I was walking away from something, but as I turned my head back I noticed there was nothing chasing me, and then it hit me: I was actually walking towards myself! Once that hit me, apart from the black eye, it gave me the best year of my life! I started meditating. I started going to hypnosis sessions. I started really facing myself and my demons!

In my meditations I would often see one repetitive image: a tunnel right in front of me. A dark tunnel. With no light at the end of it. Just darkness.

Obviously, that was my path. I am not one to say no to a lost from the start challenge, so I stepped in with nothing but my newly-found motto in mind: just walk. And I knew at first that it was all I had to do: just walk! It was all I could do, anyway. Nothing else mattered but putting one foot in front of the other and going steady. I expected to fall. And I did. There were times when I could not get back to my feet. But I crawled. When I couldn’t crawl I just stood there regaining my strength. And then… I just kept walking.

At some point the darkness suddenly cleared! At the end of one meditation I was out of the tunnel! I was greeted by bright light! So bright and unicorn rainbowed colored that I was almost literally walking on sunshine. I needed nothing because I had everything! And I was also aware of it. Miracles all around me! It seemed like my best dream come true. I was floating home from work, I was kissing the sky with every breath, there was cotton candy in my pants! And then? Fail… the road took me back to the tunnel. It was bitter disappointment going from my perfect beautiful no cloud in the sky happiness back into that lightless endless tunnel. I stood there for a while, defeated, abandoned by the universe. But as I was lying down on the floor, covered in dirt and all scratched up, something magical happened, that has not happened in such a long time, as a result of the hypnosis sessions. I got bored! Bored of waiting around and feeling sorry for myself! So I started crawling again, since I was already so good at that. It took me a while to get back up and start walking again. But at some point I just did.

Some of you probably expect a success story here. Let me disappoint you right from the start: there isn’t any! At least not what you expect it to be: no light at the end of the tunnel, no glorious home-coming. There is something much less outstanding. But real: the success story is the walking! It’s not glamorous, it’s not glorious and some days it just feels like crap! But you know what? It has never failed me. It is always there when I need it and it takes me out of any problem: just keep walking. Walk away, walk towards, run, crawl, fight the zombies on the way, get killed, spawn into badass 0.2 version of yourself, do cartwheels on cloud nine and come back for the next round, because this is what you signed up for when you bought your ticket for this outstanding show called ‘Life as a Human Being on Planet Earth’. Enjoy!

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