And what you can do about it.

Women connect through emotions. Just like men, for that matter, but we’re going to keep that between us, we won’t let anybody know men have feelings too, just like we’ve been doing for millennia, ok?

No, no, no, no, NO!! That’s what we’ve been doing wrong for so long! That’s why it’s so difficult for men and women to connect nowadays!

And that’s just the reason why your dating is not getting you a girlfriend. If you can’t connect to a woman, you most probably won’t be able to get her to relax enough to be with you: mentally, emotionally, and physically.

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And what exactly makes you unable to connect?

Don’t for a second imagine that you don’t have the ability to connect, that you’re emotionally stunted, or that you don’t have emotional capacity.

If that were the case, you wouldn’t be reading this article because you wouldn’t even be interested in the subject.

No, there’s a whole different reason why you can’t get a date to become your girlfriend and you’re going to hate it even worse than having no emotional bandwidth. But the good news is: it’s fixable.

Here it is: you can’t connect with a woman because of fear. You’re afraid, ok?

Please don’t throw eggs. And by eggs, I mean angry comments at the truth-speaker (me).

I know it’s not great to hear, but it’s no big deal either. The only problem with it is that we’ve been taught there is a problem with having feelings that fall anywhere outside happiness, joy, and the like.

When it’s actually fear that is our most natural state, and the first emotion that a child first experiences.

Fear is what makes our species learn, adapt, and thrive. It’s also the same thing that is keeping us in survival mode and unable to connect, find love, experience happiness, and have a good life.

FEAR!

Fear of getting closer to her and admitting your true feelings or fear of losing her.

It just depends on where you fall on the spectrum — are you anxious or avoidant? They manifest differently, but the basis is fear for both of them.

You’re in a state of fear when you:

• are unable to tell a woman you’re interested in her and would like to take things further
• are people pleasing, being the nice (but fake) guy, not being yourself
• accept being her friend when you want to be her boyfriend
• get angry that she rejected you or just at the thought of a possible rejection
• avoid open and honest communication
• pretend you don’t feel anything
• pose as the alpha male, cool guy, tough man
• try to manipulate and guilt her into doing what you want
• try to impress her with your money or possessions

Manipulation — The Foolproof Way to Get Everything You Want and Make Yourself Miserable

You see where I’m going with this. If you’re pretending to be cold, distant, and uncaring, the most you can do is drive her away. It works like a charm too. She might resist it at first, but she’ll get there soon.

Don’t confuse it with what professional manipulators and seducers do: they play a subtle game of blowing hot and cold that includes a lot of hot in the beginning, with intermittent cold showers further down the road: they’re not just completely distant from the start.

In fact, at the beginning they’re warmer than anybody else, they confess feelings they don’t even have and promise her the moon, to get her to fall in love with him.

However, this is not an example of how to get a girlfriend, it’s just an example of how to manipulate people. It can get you a girlfriend, but it won’t be worth it down the road.

What you can do though is to face your fears and do it anyway.

What exactly are you afraid of? Rejection?

I know rejection hurts like hell, but then again, anything worth having will hurt and if you completely protect yourself from anything that will hurt you, you’ll end up alone, with no friends, no career, no life.

You’ll be secluded in your gloomy and lonely apartment, trying to protect yourself from the world.

Because, guess what? The world will hurt you. It will reject you. And people will do that more than anything else.

And of all people, it’s women who will hurt you the most. And it’s not because they’re some evil creatures that god put on this earth for your personal torment. Not at all. In fact, women are hurt by men just as much as men are hurt by women. Or, if you ask some of them, much more.

But the truth is what we want most is what hurts us the most. The ones we love most are the ones whose actions we feel the deepest.

But the solution is not to hide ourselves from the world but to get out there and choose the ones who we believe will hurt us less. Or even better, the ones we believe are worth the pain.

Because let me tell you this: no matter how much people hurt us, nothing creates more pain in the long run than fear.

So here’s what you can do about it: feel the fear and do it anyway. Allow yourself to get hurt, put yourself out there.

Why Gorgeous Women Are Always Single (And How Good Men Can Fix That)

Go ask her out. Tell her you love her. Ask her to be your girlfriend.

Thank her for rejecting you instead of stringing you along. Tell her you appreciate her friendship, but you’d like something more, and it would be tormenting for you to be playing the role of a friend around someone you have deeper thoughts about.

Don’t play the cool and tough guy. You’re not a cool guy and you know it. You know how I also know it? Because nobody is. Tough guys are only wearing a mask behind which they are nothing but frazzled and scared little boys.

And most women know that. Those who don’t are also playing a toxic game themselves, both parties forever unable to connect and have a happy life together.

However, don’t just think I’m sending you out to war without a shield — knowing damn well you’re going to die out there.

There are some caveats to choosing this courageous path.

If she already told you or proved to you that she doesn’t want you, leave her alone.

For example: if you already told her you loved her and she didn’t say it back, don’t say it again. It’s her turn to do it if she feels it or your turn to leave if you don’t want to be with somebody who can’t voice her feelings.

If she’s avoiding you every chance she gets, she’s probably not into you. Try your luck and ask her out if you need a second confirmation. It won’t kill you but know that avoidance means dislike.

If you’re wondering if she’s playing hard to get… seriously, who cares? You don’t want somebody who is playing anything with you. Let her be.

In conclusion, fear as much as you need to fear. But don’t let it break your spirit. It was designed to protect you, but now it’s keeping you stuck, miserable, and small. Instead of limiting you, let it inspire you. Use it as a motivator. If you’re afraid to do it, that’s how you know it’s worth it.

Be afraid and do it anyway. You’ll thank me later. Or not at all, because you’ll be happy with your girl. You’re welcome.

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