This is not how I thought things would turn out.

Just when I thought I’d given up on dating, I fell in love with someone!

It’s so annoying! Especially since he’s a man, can you believe it?! Haha, just kidding!

It’s not the fact that he’s a man that makes me miserable about the situation, it’s just that… it’s a bit of an unpleasant surprise, and that’s for 2 reasons: I was at peace with my decision to stop dating and I was actively not pursuing love. I had other priorities and felt so much happier with them than I ever was in a relationship.

And reason №2 is that he has a girlfriend… 

That’s just too bad, I thought with a sigh and decided to push him out of my heart and mind.

How? Well, first I would write an article about it, that I would also use as therapy for my emotions. They needed to be exorcised out of my body because I could feel them take an unhealthy turn.

Just When I Thought I’ve Given Up on Dating, I Fell in Love with Someone!

And although a while back I felt my crush shared my feelings, the past couple of weeks he seemed to do everything in his power to annoy me, pick on me, avoid me, and side with anyone else than me.

I hated that treatment and was committed to putting him out of my mind!

Of course, my first thought was that he was doing it on purpose to keep his own feelings in check by avoiding being close to me, but I immediately brushed that off as wishful thinking.

It’s a method that I usually advise to my relationship coaching clients: if your interpretation of a situation is something you secretly hope would happen, always assume you’re wrong.

The natural question would be: but what if I’m right? Wouldn’t I just be avoiding what I want?

For the moment, yes, you would.

But don’t worry, nothing is that urgent in love. If it’s true, you will eventually know, because it will be shown to you again and again.

There’s no rush. Give it time and keep your eyes open. I guarantee you will eventually know the truth.

And that’s exactly what happened to me. Before I had a chance to put my feelings aside and forget about him, the whole thing blew up in my face right when I thought I was doing everything right.

I decided to get over him one evening when I met a friend over a pink gin and tonic.

I usually don’t drink, but that strawberry-flavored concoction sent me to heaven and dropped me down to the ground in just a few hours. 

It was enough time for me to wake up to reality and realize that I wasn’t even applying my own rules and my feelings got the best of me.

I was suddenly pissed off both with him and with myself.

With him because he was mean to me, like a mean boy in the schoolyard, picking on the girl he liked (which at the time was just my assumption), and with myself because I let him occupy space in my head instead of concentrating on more productive (albeit boring) pursuits.

Oh, well, that gin night I made a decision: that’s it, he’s out of my head and so it shall be.

I went to sleep happy with my decision and the next day at the co-working space where we’re colleagues I was happy and liberated from the trap of my own thoughts. Until… well, until later that day…

When he finally dared… and he ruined it for us both.

We usually have lunch together with one or 2 other colleagues, and after lunch that day I told him I was getting sleepy and I’d be going home to get into bed, adding something along the lines of ‘cats sleep better when I’m there in bed with them.’

It was a play on words of him telling me several times before that his dog can’t sleep without him.

And his answer absolutely shocked me. He asked me if he could go back home with me.

I stayed there for a while, just staring at my screen (the conversation was online). Nobody had managed to leave me speechless in a long time.

I felt waves of adrenaline rush through my body. My hands were shaking and the waves kept coming, hot and steamy.

After I managed to bring myself back to my senses I said no, because I don’t want to get my ass kicked, obviously referring to his girlfriend. He could have stopped it right there but he kept going, reassuring me that we don’t need to put an ad in the local newspaper about it.

The shock was even stronger this time. If before that I still thought he was kidding, now I knew he was serious about it.

I told him directly that I don’t usually get involved with men who aren’t free.

He interpreted ‘usually’ as an open door and asked me if we could work on that.

I said I appreciated good work, but it would only be fair to tell him that it’s not going to lead to anything.

He said something along the lines of ‘Wait until you can really appreciate it’.

The conversation went on for a few more lines and I decided I just had to leave before I did something foolish like tell him it’s ok to come back home with me.

I felt like shit the entire day.

On the one hand, I was exhilarated that I wasn’t wrong and he wanted me too. On the other hand, I felt like shit because all he asked for was to get me into bed.

And on one more hand, I hated that he was trying to cheat on his girlfriend, especially since one of the reasons I liked him so much was because he seemed like such a serious guy who I could see liked me, but wasn’t acting on it because he loved his girlfriend.

Such a disappointment!

However, the next day things got a lot worse.

3 Obvious Signs She’s Into You and You’re Clueless About It

The next day the first thing he did was apologize that he behaved like a peasant and he hoped he didn’t upset me. I said no, and it’s ok, I knew it beforehand, I was just surprised that he said anything.

And from that moment on I got the cold shoulder. The very icy and distant cold shoulder.

He was obviously feeling bad. My guess is because he was trying to cheat (I find it hard to believe he’s the kind of guy who does this all the time) and he was feeling guilty, all the while being offended because I rejected him, and at the same time trying to distance himself from me.

He tried to avoid me as much as possible, never looked at me, mentioned his girlfriend several times, and basically did everything possible to delete what he did yesterday, from his mind and mine.

I was very disappointed and annoyed, probably because although I was actively trying to keep myself away from him, I still desired him.

You’d think just because I’m a relationship coach and I know what’s what this would be easy, but believe me, it’s much more difficult to figure out what’s going on when you live it and much easier to tell others what the right things to do are than do them yourself.

Oh, well, you already know that, I’m sure.

So now it’s just awkward. He put himself out there and I turned him down. He showed me a side of him that I don’t like and I’m very confused with how I feel about him.

What I hate most is that although I had some feelings about him, I was okay with the situation as it was.

And now I feel like I can’t be myself with him and he can’t be himself with me. And it all sucks.

It’s situations like this why I decided to stop dating: to tell you the truth, this commotion is not really worth it for me.

The purpose of this article, however, is for every man and woman out there to learn from my mistakes. If you have a crush who is in a relationship, keep as far away from them as possible, as long as the situation permits.

If you’re a man who has a girlfriend, don’t try to cheat on her with someone you’re going to see daily.

It’s just not worth the hassle unless you want to go all in.

And although last time I had this low-key hope that he would read my article and ask if it’s about him, this time I really hope he’s not. This is bad enough as it is. 

Please send virtual hugs and chocolate 💔

🎈 And if you never want to be in my situation, get a FREE copy of my Seduction Decoded e-book and if you enjoy this spicy tea, join my Substack for more! And whatever you do, follow my advice instead of ignoring it, like I did! 🎈