Most common sexual fantasy? When you listen to your partner’s desire and fulfill it.

Seems easy, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. But it is simple: you learn the art of conversation, of listening, and you pray to the gods of sex that your partner will tell you what they fantasize about. That’s it. 

There, I just decoded sexual fantasy: listening is the one size that fits all desires. If you master it you’ll have unlimited sensual success. 

But let’s get real here. We all know it’s easier said than done, and until we master the fickle recipe of a perfectly baked sexual soufflé, you need to learn how to boil some eggs. 

🎈Also make sure you get a FREE copy of my Seduction Decoded e-book!🎈

Here are some sensual secrets that are quite common, but people generally aren’t aware of.

1. Some women crave sexuality but don’t even dare fantasize about it.

This is a personal story that surprised and saddened me. It’s quite sexual though, so it might just surprise you. 

A few weeks ago I had drinks with a friend. We were sitting there chit-chatting, laughing, drinking strawberry gin, talking about life, and inevitably our conversation touched on men (pun intended).

I started to tell her about a sexual dream I had that very night, which left me flustered the entire day. It involved my crush and it was straight to the point, exclusively sexual, and quite intense.

In the dream, he comes over to my place, for some obscure dream-type reason. The moment he enters the door I pull him towards me and kiss him passionately. 

His first reaction is to pull back in surprise, but when he realizes what’s really going on he kisses me back furiously and pulls me so close I can hardly breathe, then proceeds to rub his hands all over my body, feeling me with a desperation that he’s probably been experiencing for a few months, just like I did.

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We make out for a while, but at some point, we pull apart to just look each other in the eye and smile.

He’s in front of the sofa, with his back to it. I lift up a hand and with the slightest gesture push his chest. Not expecting this move, he falls on the sofa and starts laughing at my audacity.

I leave him no time for surprise though and I put one knee on his left and one on his right side and now I’m straddling him and grinding on his lap.

The dream continues just as passionately, but much more naked, so I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

Needless to say, I woke up in a daze, wanting to enact in real life what happened in the dream, but hey, it is what it is.

I’m telling you all these details to prepare you for a parallel, and of course, to entertain you, and to re-live my dream by writing it for you. Win-win-win. 

When my friend heard my account of this, and I mean the full extent of this very sexual dream, she was in awe of it, for a reason I couldn’t understand.

But then she explained it: she loved my dream because she couldn’t have any sex dreams. Or any fantasies.

Here’s how that conversation went:

Her: ‘So you can just dream about sex with whoever you want whenever you want to? How do you do that? I want to do that too!’

Me: ‘Ummm… noo, not at all. I wish I could, but no. But I can fantasize about it as much as I want with whoever I want.’

Her: ‘Any time?’

Me: ‘Yup. Also any place.’

Her: ‘Really?!’

Me: ‘Yup. Also with whoever I want. I can fantasize about having sex with you right now if I want to.’

We laughed. But then I figured something out.

Me: ‘Wait a second… I thought everybody could do that. You can’t?’

Her: ‘Not really…’

Me: ‘That’s impossible. Let’s exercise it right now.’

So she proceeded to exercise fantasizing about a sex-themed meeting with her upstairs neighbor whom she has a crush on. Yes, we women have crushes almost all the time, it’s quite annoying.

The truth is she tried it but she couldn’t really do it. It was more of a psychedelic trip of the mind rather than of the body, and she was obviously having a very hard time putting into words or even visualizing it.

She was struggling. She imagined him upstairs — he was right on top of us. He’s lying in his bed doing nothing and his body slowly seeps through the ceiling and gently lands on top of her body, who would also be lying in her bed. And from there she couldn’t go on. Her mind stopped.

Women’s Most Common Sexual Fantasies, According to Science (With Spicy Confessions)

When I asked what the problem was, other than me being there forcing her to push her boundaries (lol), she told me how she doesn’t even dare to dream about such things, because since she hasn’t had sex with the guy in question, she wouldn’t want to depict him in her dreams like anything that he’s not, and she doesn’t even know him that well, blah blah blah, so what if she gets the wrong idea about him?

That was ludicrous. When he’s in your fantasy, he’s not the real man, obviously. He’s just the product of your imagination and you take ownership of him however you see fit.

The person in your fantasy can be and do exactly what you want him/ her to because it’s just your imagination and it’s not hurting anyone.

Sadly, women have been so conditioned to never express their needs and wants that they don’t even dare dream about them! They don’t even allow themselves to have them, and then if they do have sex with someone, they don’t even allow themselves to ask for anything their body and mind wants.

What’s worse, the few who dare to ask for something are shamed for being sexual beings by a bunch of prudes and frustrated people who can’t handle the idea of female sexuality. 

There’s just a bunch of them, and they’re loud.

As a consequence, the good men of this world are left in the dark.

They want to give women their best sexual performance (I know they do!) but they have no idea how or what that would be, and they take their information from other men and from porn, which is only designed to please men, not women.

We need to decondition both men and women right now and make female sexual satisfaction a priority. The world would be a much better place if we did.

2. Men want to please a woman sexually and they take huge validation from it. So do women.

If you look at how the dating world is unfolding these days, you’d think we hate each other with a vengeance. And the truth is sometimes we do.

But other times… we love and need each other. And want to make our partner happy. That’s where most of this animosity is coming from: we have no idea how to make the other happy and be happy at the same time.

This naturally transfers to the world of sex as well.

One of men’s biggest turn-ons is seeing a woman receive pleasure. I’ve seen it time and time again while I was a trainer in a cam girl studio and also in real life, both as a relationship coach and in my own relationships, of course.

You’re probably imagining that most men who come online for sexual gratification have these weird kinks that you’ve never heard of, would be freaked out by, and they’re there because they can’t get their fix anywhere else.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Indeed, but it’s a small percentage, and then it’s either cringe, funny or if you spend enough time in the business, it’s just normal day-to-day activity.

But no, most people who frequent virtual sex workers have 0 weird fetishes. Or, as we like to call them, just fetishes. They actually don’t even come over for sex as much as they do for connection.

And, just on a personal note, I find it incredibly heartbreaking that we can’t find common ground where we can come together and give each other what we need.

What I’ve seen most of the time in the cam girl world were men whose main fantasy was to give women pleasure. They wanted to see women have orgasms that they were responsible for.

That was most men.

Of course, there was a gap between what they wanted and what they could achieve, but that was just a gap in knowledge that I hope my articles will fill.

One of the things that a lot of men sadly don’t know about women is that women want the same things as men do and have similar turn-ons.

We’re more similar than we are different. And we all enjoy seeing our partners ‘in the thralls of pleasure’, as one of my dear readers so passionately put it — you know who you are.

Yes, even us women love to see men enjoying sex with us. Shocking, isn’t it? We love to see them tilt their head back, lose themselves in the moment, and especially hear them moan. … to read the rest of this story (and more like it) come join my secret spicy Substack. 🧨