This is so annoying.
Plus, he’s a man… can you believe that? Ha, just kidding.
It’s not the fact that he’s a man that makes me miserable about the situation, it’s just that… it’s a bit of an unpleasant surprise.
Even love can be unpleasant in the wrong circumstances, especially when you think you can no longer be attracted to a man or fall in love with one and you’ve made your peace with that.
But life will teach you again and again why ‘never say never’ is such a popular saying.
Let me just tell you all about it.
I’ve been a love and relationship coach for a long time. I’ve also been a cam girl trainer for 3 years. During this time I saw some awful things that made me swear off dating for what I thought would be ‘forever’.
Still, I understood that some of the things that happened there weren’t so much men’s fault, as much as it was their lack of relevant training in how to approach a woman, because either nobody taught them how, or somebody taught them wrong.
I’m looking at you, red pillers!
Either way, I decided to stop dating, but still help men with their dating life, because I saw there was so much need for that.
But my creed to not date was a strong decision that I was absolutely happy with.
And now… this happened! It’s at least a crush (more likely full-blown feelings) and I’ll just have to live with it because there’s nothing I can do about it.
Now here’s the ugly part: I can’t do anything about it because he’s got a girlfriend and in order to do something about it I’d have to go into some dark seduction and manipulation tactics that I swore off a while back and I never want to revisit.
By now some of you are probably thinking I’m making too much of it because a girlfriend is not a wife. True, she’s not a wife although they’ve been together for a long long time.
But I wouldn’t want to steal any man from a couple so he could be in a couple with me, even though no papers were signed.
There are 2 reasons for that, you probably know them, because they are common sense, and when we don’t know them it’s because we’re tricking ourselves so we can go ahead and steal other people’s partners, cheat, sleep with married people, etc.
But deep down we all know what’s what. If you do that I have 0 judgment for you. I just chose to not do it anymore.
Because a man who cheats with you will cheat on you. See, I told you you already knew.
And no, there are no cop-outs like maybe he’s unhappy in that relationship and he needs someone to help him get out of it. I’m not making this up, a friend actually said it to me.
Help him get out? He doesn’t need help with that, he’s a grown man! What am I, the male helper? Wait a minute, yes, I am, but not this way.
If he wants out, he’ll get out. And then something between us can happen, not before.
And no. 2 is that although I know a lot of ways to actually get him out of that relationship and into one with me, I swore off those tactics a few years ago and never looked back.
I’ve done it before. Nothing good has come from it. If you build a relationship on manipulation it backfires on you every time. Try it if you don’t believe me. Manipulation will get you what you want short term, but never in the long run.
So I chose the moral code of respect: if I manipulate you, I don’t respect you, and I only keep in my life people I can respect.
Plus, I really like his girlfriend. She’s gorgeous, feminine, sweet, and seems like a good person. To tell you the truth, I think I actually like her a bit more than I like him.
What’s more, I don’t think we’d be good together. And that’s because we are incredibly similar. So similar that we’d just end up competing and fighting and pushing each other to exhaustion.
When I look at him it’s like looking in the mirror at my masculine self. I’ve tried that before with someone. It didn’t work out.
But the chemistry is there from the get-go.
As far as I can tell (and I’m almost never wrong in these situations) he’s very much into me too.
I can tell from the way he looks at me and talks to me. From the way his body leans closer to mine when I’m around, as if pulled by a massive magnet. And his eyes flicker and light up when I laugh at his jokes.
I’m afraid somebody will suspect something is happening between us and tell his girlfriend, although literally, nothing is happening except that we’re drawn to each other. I’m afraid it shows.
So what am I going to do about it? Nothing. Nothing at all. At first, I was afraid — I was petrified!!
But I took some time to chill and analyze the situation and decided I’ll just apply the ‘I’ll just want it’ principle to it.
Let me explain because I’m sure you’ve never heard of it. And it’s for good reason: a friend and I made it up years back.
We were both in my car, coming back from a pizza dinner. I stopped in front of her house to drop her off and just then I noticed a bag of potato chips on the dashboard.
And although I had just eaten a full pizza, I wanted them, although I shouldn’t have, for various fat reasons. The reasons being my fat content and their fat content, you know.
I took the bag in my hand and tried to open it but it just didn’t work. I pulled and I pulled and pulled some more and it must have been made of unobtainium because it just didn’t open.
Eventually, I got frustrated.
I threw them back on the dashboard and shrugged.
‘Whatever, I’ll just want them.’
And that was that. They were there and I wanted to eat them, but for various reasons, I couldn’t. And I also knew I shouldn’t.
It’s some sort of ‘let it be’ principle that made my life so much easier.
Just because you want something doesn’t mean you’re gonna get it and it’s absolutely fine to want and not get. Especially if you’re over the age of 5.
Also, it’s absolutely fine and even advised to not act on your feelings, if you know you shouldn’t. Your feelings are not the boss of you. You can feel them but don’t need to act on them. That’s where your power is.
So I’m taking my power back: I’ll just want him.
And now I need to emotionally prepare to publish this writing and pray to god that my crush doesn’t read this article. Because although I’m 99% sure he doesn’t read my blog, that 1% is killing me. What if he does?
Or am I just secretly hoping he will and he’ll ask me who it’s about and I’ll blush and nonchalantly tell him ‘it’s you’?
What do you think?