If not, this will help you get them.
When people tell me no, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it just means I can’t do it with them. It doesn’t mean I’m no good, it just means I’m not good for them.
And that’s OK. Because I only want those who believe in me to join me on my path.
I never thought I would be pushing confidence with so much aplomb when I myself used to be a scared little kid who grew up in an emotionally abusive household.
But that’s exactly how I got here: I had to get confident if I wanted to get anything done.
Now confidence is my number one tool for getting where I want to be.
However, confidence doesn’t usually look like it’s been presented by Hollywood, politicians, and salespeople. Sometimes it’s quite the opposite.
Confidence is not loud, boastful, or flashy. That’s narcissism. And narcissism is the epitome of insecurity.
More often than not, confidence is silent, discrete, and stands like a mountain. It’s an inside job, not an outside explosion.
Here’s what confident people do. Do you check all 5?
1. Confident people are not afraid to disappoint
Sure, they’re not happy to do it either. Unless we’re sociopaths, we all feel a pang of anxiety when we know we have to disappoint somebody and we don’t do it proudly. That’s just natural.
But if that feeling stops you from doing what’s right for you, your future, your family, or the general good, that’s a clear sign of insecurity.
Confident people believe that their choices are the right ones because they know themselves enough to make those right choices.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
They don’t ask other people who they are and how they should live their lives, because they already know.
This is difficult to do because sometimes you pay a price for being yourself: some people are going to be disappointed that you do what’s best for you rather than for them.
Let them be and choose yourself.
Disappoint others rather than betray yourself.
2. Confident people are not afraid of the truth.
The truth is a mighty beast and people hate it more than anything else. Because the truth hurts.
Confident people, however, don’t need to hide from their personal truth. They know who they are, with the good and the bad.
Of course, nobody is in love with the bad part of themselves and that’s ok, nobody is asking you to be. That’s not confidence, that’s delusion.
But they know who they are and they’re ok with it. Nobody is perfect, and that’s fine.
Their imperfections don’t break them. They don’t hide from the truth of who they truly are. They put it out there and you can take it or leave it.
3. Confident people don’t over (or under) invest.
Confident people are usually in secure attachment styles. That means that if they’re in a relationship with you, they invest the same amount of effort as you do.
If they’re interested, they come towards you. If you pull away, they let you go. They don’t run after you, they’re not clingy, and don’t make their whole existence about somebody liking them.
They’re confident enough to know that if you’re not interested, somebody else will be.
This attitude extends to all areas of life. Confident people don’t stay in abusive work environments, they don’t push family members to come to Thanksgiving if they don’t feel like it, and they have the ability to let go of anyone if or when the time comes.
4. Confident people don’t push their values on others.
One of the main signs of confidence is that you don’t feel the need to make everyone into a copy of yourself. You don’t need others to live by the same values, eat the same foods, or go to the same movies.
The need to control everyone’s choices is a huge sign of insecurity that has stayed with the human race since we were living in tribes. If the tribe didn’t like you, you’d be left outside in the dark and cold, to die a painful death, most probably eaten by wild animals.
As a result, insecure people try to form their tribe by pushing others to be like them, instead of searching for the people who are already like them.
Because while you search you’re alone. And only confident people can handle that.
5. Confident people are comfortable with their emotions.
Confident people have struck an emotional balance that allows them to keep their cool in difficult situations.
They’re not triggered by everything around them, but they’re not afraid of conflict when need be.
When you’re insecure, you imagine everything someone says or does is an attack on you. Usually, it’s not, because what people do has nothing to do with anybody but themselves.
And if indeed they have something against you, reacting to their actions will just give them a thrill that they stirred a reaction in you. And they’ll validate their own importance by doing it more and more.
However, conflict is a part of life and if you constantly run from it you’ll soon be in a situation where you’ll make compromises nobody should make.
Confident people keep it assertive and voice what they want in a solution-oriented way.
They know that whatever comes from that conflict, they can handle it.
When you started reading you probably thought I was going to talk about how you can develop the confidence to go after the job of your dreams or somebody you’ve had a crush on for years.
This is exactly how:
- be afraid to disappoint yourself, not others
- eradicate delusion like the plague
- invest wisely
- let them be
- feel your feelings, don’t act your feelings.
When you have these covered you’ll be that confident man or woman who goes after what they want. Will you still feel the fear? Of course you will! That never goes away, for anyone. But confident people feel the fear and do it anyway.
🎈 I’ve been a love and relationship coach for 6 years. If you’re interested in seduction techniques or a fulfilled love life, get your FREE copy of my Seduction Decoded E-book here, and join me to decode your own love life! 🎈