And how to fix it.
The most dangerous attitude towards you is no attitude at all. Indifference and lack of interest killed more hopes and dreams than fear and failure ever did.
Does it feel like the more you like her, the less she likes you? Did you already get used to the idea that she’s just not into you? Maybe you’re just not a good fit? Or maybe you’re not her type?
Maybe that’s true, but maybe it’s something else. Maybe you have something to do with it. And maybe there are a few mistakes you’re making that are turning her (and most women) off.
Here are 3 blunt (but common) reasons why she’s not into you and how you can fix that.
1. You’re clingy
If you’ve been reading my articles you probably know how much I preach against being clingy. And it’s for good reason.
It doesn’t apply exclusively to men, of course. Clingy people are usually a turn-off for everyone around, except narcissists, who welcome them with open arms and proceed to suck the life force out of them, for their own amusement.
That’s one of the least discussed problems of being clingy, that few people talk about.
You get two types of reactions to your behavior: most people run away because they feel overwhelmed, but some stay to feast on your insecurity, and those are abusers.
It’s really quite frustrating, I know, because most clingy people are not bad people, but they’re still treated that way, and the reason is that emotionally healthy people can’t handle the amount of energy clingy people need.
Here’s what you probably do as a clingy boy that’s turning her off:
- You call and text her several times a day, even when you see she doesn’t have that kind of time. Seriously, why? Poor woman probably has a job and a life to deal with. Don’t you? Focus on that job and let her breathe.
- When she doesn’t immediately reply you go crazy with worry. Nah, that’s not ok. She hates that. What’s to worry about? Oh, her well-being? No, you’re probably worried she lost interest and that’s why you’re pestering her. Let her be.
- You feel threatened by her male co-workers and friends. Which is a valid concern, they might be threatening to your future relationship. She might even like one of them more than she likes you, who knows? But you can’t force her into liking you more. If she does, she does. If she doesn’t… you can use some seduction tactics, but they only work if you learn to play it cool, so…
- You try to jump straight into a relationship with her, right from the start: you don’t even know her that well, but you’re madly in love with her, want her close every moment of the day and you’re just there, ready and willing. I guarantee this kind of eagerness will put her off.
The problem with this attitude is that it’s in human nature to be attracted to those who are self-sufficient and independent, but we must always keep an eye on one crucial detail: are they also interested in us? That’s why you need to dial up the self-sufficiency and dial down the crazy. I meant the interest…
2. You’re obsessed with her looks.
This is a major one, that a lot of men don’t fully understand because they have no idea what it feels like for a woman. So listen up, boys.
Both men and women are looking for connection. For men, however, the need for connection will manifest in erotic ways, because their first and main impulse towards a woman is sexual.
Men are attracted to women physically before anything else. And they reach out accordingly: looking at her body, complimenting her looks, imagining her in sensual circumstances, etc.
Nothing wrong with that, unless this is all you have for the woman in question.
If you can only see her as a piece of meat that you want to enjoy, she will be turned off by you, even if she initially wanted you.
So make sure you take an interest in much more than the physical part of her.
Here’s what you can do to not look like a creep:
- compliment her on anything else than her body. It can even be her clothes (because she chose those). And most importantly her brain and the way she thinks!
- don’t stare at her body for more than half a second. I know it seems to you like you have no control over your eyes, and they suddenly become glued to her cleavage, but you do. Exercise that control, my friend.
- Don’t ask her for sex if you’ve shown no other interest in her. She already knows you want her, and it’s okay to initiate, but make sure you’ve done something more than that, or you’ll feel the sting of instant rejection.
I remember this friend I used to have who always complimented everything about me. But only the physical part: omg, the shape of my full lips, the sway in my sensual hips, the sunset setting my curls on fire, etc.
And he used to say all this while looking at me with such soulful eyes that I thought he would faint the very next moment. The sheer amount of physical compliments he kept drooling all over me made me very uncomfortable.
All of them for my beautiful body, none of them for my gorgeous brain.
Because that’s all he saw in me: a hot body. Needless to say, he’s no longer a friend.
3. You’re oh-so-negative
Do you find a fault with everything and everyone? Yeah, I get it. Everyone and everything actually does have faults, and I suggest we have a designated person identifying them and showing them to the world.
But that person shouldn’t be you. Definitely not you.
That person is usually only loved (or at best tolerated) by other fault-finders across the world.
Also, constant negativity can be a sign of insecurity and we all know what a turn-off that is. If you never expect anything to go right, could it be because you don’t trust yourself enough to make things go right?
And if so, why not? And how can you expect anything to go right with a woman, and the things you might do and build together? Yeah, see, if you’re negative about everything there’s no reason for her to be positive about you.
I remember a few years back when I met an old boyfriend that I hadn’t seen in years and the first thing that struck me about him was how negative he was about everything.
That attitude made me wonder what I’d seen in him in the first place a few years back. Did I use to be that negative too? Or did he change like that in time? Either way, his attitude of sheer criticism towards everything around him was a huge turn-off for me.
Imagine I’m pretty much a nihilist, and still it was too much for me.
I don’t wallow in sorrow and criticism all day long and I don’t spend time with people who do. They’re boring. I know what’s wrong with the world but I’d rather spend my time trying to make it better rather than complaining about it.
So do a lot of people. Half of them are women. That’s why you need to look at the bright side of life and help others do the same.
Her attitude towards you is fixable when you start fixing your attitude towards the world, towards yourself, and towards her. That’s true about most things.
If you’re wondering why she’s not into you, is it possible that you’re making it difficult for her to like you, without even realizing? Give yourself a reality check and get back into the game — you’ve got this!